Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phemonenon
by The Evil Penguin
Summary: Mulder, Scully, Skinner and a wide selection of XF characters take to the karaoke stage...CH 11 IS HERE!!!
1. And So It Begins

A/n: Howdy! 'Tis I, the Evil Penguin. I was inspired to write this after my sis, NekoRanma, wrote "Anything Goes Karaoke" so, of course, I had to do one with my beloved X-Files. Here we go…

Karaoke-The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon

Chapter 1: And So It Begins…

_"Tonight I'm gonna be…I'll be a karaoke queen, it's not, you see I'm gonna take down to place I know you'd rather be;_

_It's just a three minute song, it doesn't last very long but it'll take you down to a place I know you'd rather be"_

_Catatonia--"Karaoke Queen"_

            It was early on a Friday evening as Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully sat in a hole-in-the-wall restaurant near the J. Edgar Hoover building. The pair had just finished investigating a rather strange case involving some killer rabbits and an English man selling dead parrots with beautiful plumage. 

            Mulder leaned back and loosened his tie. "Some case, eh, Scully?"

            "Yeah, one of the strangest yet," Scully said as she glanced at the small stage at the far end of the restaurant. A young couple was on the stage singing karaoke to Sonny and Cher's "I've Got You, Babe." 

            "Just my luck," she muttered, "we're here on karaoke night."

            "What? You don't like karaoke?" Mulder questioned.

            "No, Mulder, I don't."

            "Why? I'm sure you'd be great at it!"

            "No! I don't sing."

            "Aw, sure you do, Scully."

            It was then that A.D. Skinner walked in and came and sat down with the two agents. 

            "Hey, Skinner, don't you think Scully would be great at karaoke?"

            Skinner looked at her as she shook her head furiously then said, "Yeah, I'd think she'd be really good!"

            "C'mon, Scully, you know you want to." Mulder gave her his best puppy dog look…and it worked. 

            "Alright," said Scully. "But only if the two of you do it too."

            Mulder and Scully exchanged a glance. "Alright, we're in."

            The trio moved up to a table in front of the stage and Scully said, "Alright, who's first?"

A/n: Stay tuned for the next chapter when Skinner sings. After that…just watch who shows up to take part in karaoke-XF style, including, but not limited to, CSM, Kersh and the Lone Gunmen. Don't forget to review!

~The Evil Penguin

D/c: The X-Files belongs to the all-might Chris Cater and 1013. The quote is from the song "Karaoke Queen" by Catatonia. 


	2. The Lumberjack

Karaoke-The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon 

Chapter 2:The Lumberjack

_"You can dance if you wanna show appreciation but step up to the mike for the full sensation!"_

_-Catatonia "Karaoke Queen"_

            Skinner looked at Mulder and Scully and said, rather energetically, "I'll go first!"  He took the stage, grabbed the mike and began one of the strangest nights Mulder and Scully had ever experienced in all their years of investigating x-files. 

            "Now," Skinner said into the mike looking over the audience as a spot light was shone on him. "I love being in the FBI. It's hard work but I get to work with great people like Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, ever if they do have a disregard for authority. But you know, I never really wanted to be an FBI agent. I always wanted to be….a lumberjack!"

            Skinner ripped off his suit to reveal jeans, a flannel shirt, suspenders and boots. He put on hunting cap as the music started. 

            "Ohhhhhh…..I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I work all day!"

            A chorus of Canadian Mounties appeared behind him out of nowhere and sang, "He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!"

            Skinner sang: "I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory! On Wednesdays I go shopping and have butter scones for tea!"

            The Mounties sang: "He cuts down trees, he eats my lunch, he goes to the lavatory! On Wednesdays he goes shopping and has butter scones for tea!"

            Skinner: "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I work all day!"

            Mounties: "He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!"

            Skinner: "I cut down trees, I skip and jump, I like to press wildflowers! I put on women's clothing and hang around in bars!"

            Mounties: "He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wildflowers! He put on women's clothing and…hangs around in bars?"

            Skinner: "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I work all day!"

            Mounties: "He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!"

            Skinner: "I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra! I wish I'd been a girlie just like my dear papa!"

            Mounties: "He cuts down trees, he wears high heels, suspenders and…a bra??" The Mounties mutter all sorts of comments at Skinner.

            There was and awkward silence for a few minutes until…

Skinner: "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok. I sleep all night and I work all day!"

            Mounties: "He's a lumberjack and he's ok! He sleeps all night and he works all day!"

            Skinner took a bow as the Mounties disappeared. Scully and Mulder stared at Skinner in disbelief as he sat back down with them. "What?" He questioned, seeing the bewildered looks. 

            "What was that?" Mulder questioned.

            "Karaoke." Skinner, still in the lumberjack garb, grinned as his agents continued to look dumfounded about what they had just seen. 

            "I don't know what to expect next…" Scully muttered. 

A/n: Having fun yet? Don't worry, there's much more to come! Stay tuned, folks! Don't forget to review!

~The Evil Penguin

D/c: All the X-Files characters belong to the great and oh-so-wonderful Christ Carter. "The Lumberjack Song" belongs to the great and oh-so-wonderful Monty Python. 


	3. CSM Goes Country

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon

Chapter 3: CSM Goes Country

_"Tonight I'm gonna be…I'll be a karaoke queen!"_

_-Catatonia, "Karaoke Queen"_

            Skinner looked at Mulder and Scully and asked, "Well, who's next?" 

            Mulder sighed and replied, "I guess it's me." He started to get up but before he had the chance the lights on the stage went out and a man stepped on the stage. When the spotlight came up on him, the agents' jaws dropped as the recognized the man on stage. Standing there was none other than the Cigarette-Smoking Man. Gone, however, was his usual suit and serious expression. Instead he wore a grin, tight jeans, a black t-shirt, a huge cowboy hat and boots. 

            Scully, Mulder and Skinner exchanged a frightened glance. "What the hell…" Scully muttered. 

             The three agents looked on in absolute disbelief as the Cigarette-Smoking Man picked out the microphone. 

            "How y'all doing tonight?" He asked in a thick southern accent. "I'd to sing one of my favorite songs for y'all tonight." He grinned broadly and tapped his foot as the music started and then began to sing…

            "' _Plowing these fields in the hot summer sun, over by the gate, lordy here she comes with a basket full of chicken and big cold jug of sweet teat_

_            I make a little room and she climbs on up, open up the throttle and stir a little dust, just look at her face she aint foolin' me…_

_            She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on_

_            She's always starin' at me, while I'm chugin' along_

_            She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin; up the land_

_            She even kinda crazy 'bout my farmer's tan_

_            She's the only one who really understands what gets me_

_            She thinks my tractor's sexy_."

After he finished singing the chorus, the Cigarette-Smoking Man looked down at Scully and winked. Scully continued to look dumbfounded as he continued to sing.

            "_We go back and forth 'till we run out of light_

_ Take it to the barn, put it up for the night_

_Climb up in the hayloft, sit and talk with the radio on_

_She says she's got a dream and I ask what it is_

_She wants a little farm and a yard full of kids_

_One more teeny, weenie ride before I take her home_

_            She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on_

_            She's always starin' at me, while I'm chugin' along_

_            She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin; up the land_

_            She even kinda crazy 'bout my farmer's tan_

_            She's the only one who really understands what gets me_

_            She thinks my tractor's sexy_.

            _Well, she aint into cars or pick-up trucks but if it runs like a Deeer, man her eyes light up!_

_She thinks my tractor,_

_She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on_

_She's always starin' at me, while I'm chugin' along_

_She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin; up the land_

_She even kinda crazy 'bout my farmer's tan_

_She's the only one who really understands what gets me_

_She thinks my tractor's sex_y

_She thinks my tractor's sexy_

_She thinks my tractor's sexy."_

As the music faded out, the Cigarette-Smoking Man, bowed, tipped his hat to Scully and walked off. 

            Mulder looked over at Scully with a look of absolute confusion. Scully was just as dumbfounded by the performance. "What the hell was that?" Mulder questioned.

            "I-I-I don't know…you're the expert on unexplained phenomenon, Mulder."

            "This is way beyond my expertise, Scully…"

A/n: It just keeps getting better, doesn't it?  CSM makes a wonderful karaoke queen, doesn't he? Stay tune, folks, there's much more to come! Keep reading and reviewing!

~The Evil Penguin 

(aka Mulder)

D/c: Like always, all the X-Files characters belong to the great Christ Carter. The song, "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" belongs to Kenny Chesney. 


	4. Frohike?

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon

Chapter 4: Frohike?!!

_"Step up to the mike for the full sensation!"_

_~Catatonia "Karaoke Queen"_

            "Alright, Mulder, NOW it's your turn," Scully said. 

            "Alright, alright…" Mulder muttered in reply. Mulder stepped up on stage but he didn't get to sing. The lights went out and a short man stepped on stage. The lights came up and it was Frohike standing at the mike. He was dressed in jeans and lots of black leather and holding and electric guitar. He took the mike off the stand and smiled widely at Scully. 

            "Hey, D.C.! How you doin' tonight! Are you ready to rock!"

            "FROHIKE??!!" Mulder stuttered.

            Frohike continued, ignoring Mulder. "A have a special song that goes out to a special lady. This one is dedicated to the lovely, the beautiful, the scrumptious, Agent Dana Scully!"

            Scully buried her head in her hands and muttered, "Oh no…"

            Loud rock music started and Frohike began to sing, without ever taking his eyes off Scully. As he began to sing, however, a backup band of women who looked identical suddenly appeared. 

            _"The lights are on, but your not home,_

_            Your mind is not your own_

_            Your heart sweats, your body shakes,_

_            Another kiss is what it takes,_

_            You can't sleep, you can't eat_

_            There's no doubt, your in deep_

_            You're throat tight, you can't breathe_

_            Another kiss is all you need_

_            You'd like to think that your immune to the stuff, oh yeah_

_            Closer to the truth, you see, you cant get enough_

_            You know you're gonna have to face it you addicted to love!_

_            You see the signs, but you cant read,_

_            You're running at a different speed_

_            Your heart beats double time_

_            Another kiss and you'll be mine!_

_            A one track mind!_

_            You can't be saved_

_            Another young love is all you crave_

_            And if the sun left you_

_            You don't mind if you do_

_            You'd like to think that your immune to the stuff, oh yeah_

_            Its closer to the truth, you see you can't get enough_

_            You're gonna have to have to face it you're addicted to love_

_            Might as well as face it your addicted to love_

_            Might as well as face it your addicted to love_

_            Might as well as face it your addicted to love_

_            Might as well as face it your addicted to love…"_

The music faded out and Frohike smiled ear to ear down at Scully. "Once more, that one was for the lovely Dana Scully! Hope you likes it, Scully." 

            Scully just continued to hide as Skinner looked on sympathetically. Frohike turned to Mulder, who had been standing just off stage through the whole thing, and said, "Top that G-Man!" Frohike then blew a kiss to Scully and left, wondering to himself where the backup women went. 

            Mulder looked down at Scully and said, "Don't worry Scully, I won't do anything like that." Scully looked very relived. "But I will top it!"

            Scully and Skinner exchanged a glance. This night just kept getting stranger…

A/n: What'd I tell you! It just keeps getting better, so don't go anywhere. This is soooo much fun and I have big plans…yes…BIG plans…for the rest of the characters…we haven't even got to Kersh or Scully or Doggett yet…. Ahahaha! Just review, ok?

~The Evil Penguin 

(Aka Mulder)

D/C: Yeah, I don't own the X-Files…and the song, "Addicted To Love" belongs to Robert Palmer and the scary clone women.


	5. Mulder Has Entered The Building

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon 

Chapter 5: Mulder Has Entered the Building

"Karaoke: translated from the Japanese as 'empty orcestra'" 

            Frohike came and sat down with Skinner and Scully as Mulder took the stage. Mulder looked down at him and said, "Just watch Frohike, I'll top ya!" He turned his back to audience for a few minutes and when he turned back around he seemed to have gone through a trasformation…into the King. Mulder had removed his tie and jacket and flipped up the collar of his white dress shirt. His hair was more fluffy and sort of slicked backed and he was wearing sunglasses. He looked down at Scully with his best Elvis sneer and said, in his best Elvis voice, "You ready for this, baby?" Scully blushed and smiled. 

            Mulder picked up the mike and said, "Hey folks, this song goes out to my gal, Scully!" Someone off stage handed Mulder a guitar and the music started. 

            Mulder began to sing, in one of the best Elvis impressions she'd ever heard.
    
    _               Lord Almighty,_
    
    _               I feel my temperature rising_
    
    _               Higher higher_
    
    _               It's burning through to my soul_
    
    _               Girl, girl, girl_
    
    _               You gonna set me on fire_
    
    _               My brain is flaming_
    
    _               I don't know which way to go_
    
    _               Your kisses lift me higher_
    
    _               Like the sweet song of a choir_
    
    _               You light my morning sky_
    
    _               With burning love_
    
    _               Ooh, ooh, ooh,_
    
    _               I feel my temperature rising_
    
    _               Help me, I'm flaming_
    
    _               I must be a hundred and nine_
    
    _               Burning, burning, burning_
    
    _               And nothing can cool me_
    
    _               I just might turn into smoke_
    
    _               But I feel fine_
    
    _               Cause your kisses lift me higher_
    
    _               Like a sweet song of a choir_
    
    _               And you light my morning sky_
    
    _               With burning love_
    
    _               It's coming closer_
    
    _               The flames are reaching my body_
    
    _               Please won't you help me_
    
    _               I feel like I'm slipping away_
    
    _               It's hard to breath_
    
    _               And my chest is a-heaving_
    
    _               Lord Almighty,_
    
    _               I'm burning a hole where I lay_
    
    _               Cause your kisses lift me higher_
    
    _               Like the sweet song of a choir_
    
    _               You light my morning sky_
    
    _               With burning love_
    
    _               With burning love_
    
    _               Ah, ah, burning love_
    
    _               I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_
    
    _               Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_
    
    _              Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_
    
    _             Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_
    
    _Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_
    
    _           Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love…"_
    
    Mulder looked down at Scully and smiled. Scully smiled back. He picked up the mike and said, throught the tremendous applause he was getting, "Ah, thank you, thank you very much. Once more, that one was for my gal Scully." He gave one more Elvis sneer then stepped off stage and sat down with Scully, Skinner and Frohike. Skinner and Frohike were gaping at him, neither of them had expected him to do anything like that. Scully grinned at him at he sat down next to her. 
    
                   "Well, Scully?" He asked, in his normal Mulder voice. 
    
                   "Great, Mulder. You, for lack of a better word, rocked." 
    
                   "Awww…thanks, Scully. You know, it's your turn now…"
    
                   "Oh great…"
    
    A/n: It just keeps getting better….much more to come…
    
    D/c: Yeah, I don't own the X-Files. The song of course, is "Burning Love" by Elvis Presley. 


	6. The Devil Sings

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon

Chapter 6: The Devil Sings

# "At nine o'clock you can count on me but when I'm up and ready

_Tonight I'm gonna be….I'll be a karaoke queen!"_

_Catatonia "Karaoke Queen"_

Mulder glanced at Scully and said, "I guess it's your turn." He grinned and ran a hand through his dark hair. 

"I guess so…" Scully replied. She never got the chance. A woman who Scully considered to be the devil herself stepped on the stage. Scully had to fight the strong urge to pull out her gun. The woman on stage was no other than Diana Fowley. 

Fowley picked up the mike and said, "This song is for you, Fox. I hope I can convince you to leave that flowery red-head and come back to me."

Scully now had her hand on her fun. "Please Mulder, please let me shoot her! Please let me shoot that little…"

"Calm down, Scully. Let her sing her song. Then you deal with her as you want." Mulder, who had his arm draped across the back of Scully's chair, said with a grin.

"Oh alright…"

And then the Fowley began to sing….
    
    _"She's got you wrapped up in her satin and lace_
    
    _Tied around her little finger_
    
    _She got you thinkin' you can never escape_
    
    _Don't you know your hearts in danger_
    
    _There's a devil in that angel's face_
    
    _If you could only see the love that you're wasting_
    
    _ _
    
    _I can love you better than that_
    
    _I know how to make you forget her_
    
    _All I'm asking is for one little chance_
    
    _Cause baby, I can love you baby, I can love you better_
    
    _ _
    
    _I'm gonna break the spell she's got on you_
    
    _You're gonna wake up to find_
    
    _I'm your desire my intentions are true_
    
    _Hey babe I know in time_
    
    _You'regonna see what you mean to me_
    
    _So open up your eyes cause seeing is believing_
    
    _ _
    
    _I can love you better than that_
    
    _I know how to make you forget her_
    
    _All I'm asking is for one little chance_
    
    _Cause baby, I can love you baby, I can love you better"_
    
    _ _
    
    __The music faded out and Fowley said, "Well, Fox, what do you say?"
    
    Mulder looked at her and said, "I'm going to let Scully speak for me. Scully?"
    
    Without any hesitation, Scully pulled out her gun and shot Diana Fowley. Scully turned to Mulder with the biggest smile Mulder had ever seen her wear. As a waiter walked on stage and dragged Fowley's body off, Scully sat down looking very content with herself. "Well," she said to Mulder, as well as Frohike and Skinner, both who looked only slightly shocked, "this has been a productive evening."
    
     
    
    A/n: Ahahaha! Isn't killing off Fowley fun? Stay tuned for the next chapter in which Reyes goes ten round with my pal Jose Cuervo.
    
     
    
    ~The Evil Penguin (aka Mulder)
    
     
    
    D/c: You should know by now that I don't own the X-Files. I also don't own the song, "I Can Love You Better" by the Dixie Chicks.
    
     
    
    _ _
    
     

_ _

_ _


	7. Reyes Goes Ten Rounds

A/n: Hey everyone! Sorry about the horrible formatting on the last two chapters. They were written and uploaded on my computer in comp sci at school and it screwed it all up. But now I'm back on my trusty laptop so everything should be fine. Have fun!

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon 

Chapter 7: Reyes Goes Ten Rounds

_"At __ten o'clock_ don't wait up for me 'cause when I'm up and ready__

_Tonight I'm going to be…I'll be a karaoke queen!"_

_-Catatonia "Karaoke Queen"_

            Scully leaned back in her chair with a look of absolute bliss on her face. She had just done something she'd been longing to do since Fowley first waltzed into the X-Files office. Mulder looked at her said, "Uh, Scully? It's your turn to sing."

            Scully didn't even look at him as she muttered, "Not now! I'm savoring the moment!"

            "Oh alright…"

            In Scully's absence another women stepped on the stage. This time, it was Monica Reyes. She picked up the mic and said, "I'd like to sing a song that's very special to me. This one's for you, John." She grinned at Doggett as the music began. 

            _"I walked in the band just started_

_            The singer couldn't carry a tune in a bucket_

_            I was on a mission to drown a memory but_

_            I thought no way with all this ruckus_

_But after one round with Jose Cuervo_

_            I caught my boots tappin' 'long with the beat_

_            And after two rounds with Jose Cuervo_

_            That band was soundin' pretty darn good to me_

_            Then some stranger asked me to dance _

_            And I revealed to 'im my two left feet_

_            Said, 'Don't get me wrong I'm glad you asked_

_            But tonight's about me and an old memory_

_            Then after three rounds with Jose Cuervo_

_            I let 'im led me out on the floor_

_            And after four rounds with Jose Cuervo_

_            I was showing off moves never seen before_

_            Well, a round five, a round six_

_            I forgot what I came to forget_

_            After round seven, or was it eight?_

_            I bought a round for the whole dang place!_

_            And after nine rounds with Jose Cuervo_

_            They were countin' me out and I was about to give up_

_            Then after ten rounds with Jose Cuervo…_

_            I lost count and started countin' again!"_

            Looking very content with herself, Reyes stepped of the stage and sat down with Doggett. He just stared at her with a rather stupefied look on his. Scully just laughed at the thought of Monica Reyes doing shots of tequila. Mulder grinned and said, "Scully…."

            Scully looked at him. "I know…" she muttered.

A/n: I think I'm having a bit too much fun with this, especially the part where Fowley dies…that was nice. Anyway, next is the moment you've all been waiting for: Scully! And much, much more after that. Keep reading!

~The Evil Penguin (aka Mulder)

D/C: The X-Files is not mine and the song, "Ten Rounds with Jose Cuervo" belongs to Tracy Byrd. 


	8. Here's Scully!

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon 

Chapter 8: Here's Scully!

_"Karaoke, alternate definition: a strange pastime for tone-deaf people_

_who__ like to make fools of themselves in public"_

_~Reilly C. Adams, journalist _

            Mulder looked over at Scully. "Alright, Scully, NOW it's your turn."

            Scully sighed, "Alright, alright. I'm going." Scully stood up and took the stage. She picked up the mike and a spotlight was shone on her. She grinned and said, "This one's for you, Mulder." 

            Mulder smiled and the music started. Mulder was stunned as Scully began to sing in a beautiful voice.

_            "__I'd rather be liberated. I find myself captivated_

_Stop doing what you...  
Keep doing it too...  
I'd rather stay bold and lonely. I dream I'm your one and only_

_Stop doing what you...  
Keep doing it too..._

_Things are getting strange. I'm starting to worry  
This could be a case for Mulder and Scully  
Things are getting strange, now I can't sleep alone _

_I'd rather be jumping ship. I find myself jumping straight in_

_Stop doing what you...  
Keep doing it too... _

_Forever be dozy and dim. I wake myself thinking of him_

_Stop doing what you...  
Keep doing it too... _

_Things are getting strange. I'm starting to worry  
This could be a case for Mulder and Scully  
Things are getting strange, now I can't sleep alone _

_My bed is made for two and there's nothing I can do  
So tell me something I don't know.  
If my head is full of you, is there nothing I can do?  
Must we all march in two by two by two? _

_And as for some happy ending.__ I'd rather stay single and thin _

_Stop doing what you...  
Keep doing it too... _

_I'd rather be captured by aliens than wait for a man with nothing oh,_

_Stop doing what you...  
Keep doing it too... _

_Things are getting strange. I'm starting to worry  
This could be a case for Mulder and Scully  
Things are getting strange, now I can't sleep alone _

_Things are getting strange. I'm starting to worry  
This could be a case for Mulder and Scully  
Things are getting strange, now I can't sleep alone _

_So what have you got to say about that?_

_What does someone do about love?_

_What does someone do with love?_

_What have you got to say about that…."_

Mulder was stunned as Scully took a bow to an applauding crowd. She sat down next to him, grinning and blushing. "Well?" She asked Mulder.

"Scully, what can I say? That was amazing…" 

"Well…you know…I used to sing in church and stuff…"

"But that song…"

"I like to write in what little free time I get. And what better inspiration is there than one's own life."

Mulder just stared at her in awe. Little did the pair know that even though they had sung their parts, the night was still young…

A/n: Scully sang at last! Now we can really have some fun! I still have many, many more characters to go, plus a huge finale. So stick around, Byers is up next. Oh, and if you've never heard the song I used, it's called "Mulder and Scully" and it's by the Welsh band Catatonia. I recommend all XF fans hear it, it's awesome. 

D/c: The X-Files belongs to that genius, Chris Carter. The song "Mulder and Scully" belongs to Catatonia. 


	9. Byers Gets Down

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon

Chapter 9: Byers Gets Down 

            Mulder and Scully just sat there grinning stupidly at each other. Skinner rolled his and started to stand up to leave when the stage lights went down again. A trio appeared and Mulder and Scully immediately stopped their smiling. 

            Standing downstage center was Byers, dressed in like a rapper, baggy jeans and all. Behind him were Frohike and Langly. Byers stepped back and Langly and Frohike stepped forward.
    
            Langly said, "Oh my god, Frohike, look at her butt. It is so big. She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriend. Who understands those rap guys? They only talk to her because she looks like a total prostitute, ok? I mean her butt, it's just so big. I can't believe it's so round. It's just out there I mean, it's gross. Look, she's just so black."
    
                   A rap beat started up and Byers jumped to the front. He started rapping and jumping about like so many Mexican jumping beans. 
    
                   "I like big butts and I can not lie
    
    You other brothers can't deny
    
    That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste
    
    And a round thing in your face
    
    You get sprung
    
    Wanna pull up front
    
    Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
    
    Deep in the jeans she's wearing
    
    I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
    
    Oh, baby I wanna get with ya 
    
    And take your picture
    
    My homeboys tried to warn me
    
    But with that butt you got
    
    Me so horny
    
    Ooh, rub all of that smooth skin
    
    You say you wanna get in my Benz
    
    Well use me, use me cuz you ain't that average groupy
    
    I've seen them dancin' 
    
    The hell with romancin'
    
    She sweat, wet, got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
    
    I'm tired of magazines
    
    saying flat butt's the only thing
    
    Take the average black man and ask him that
    
    She gotta pack much back, so
    
    Fellas (yeah), fellas (yeah)
    
    Has your girlfriend got the butt (hell yeah)
    
    Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt
    
    Baby got back
    
    (LA face with Oakland booty)
    
    I like'em round and big
    
    And when I'm throwin' a gig
    
    I just can't help myself
    
    I'm actin like an animal
    
    Now here's my scandal
    
    I wanna get you home
    
    And ugh, double ugh, ugh
    
    I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
    
    Cuz silicone parts were made for toys
    
    I wannem real thick and juicy
    
    So find that juicy double
    
    Mixalot's in trouble
    
    Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
    
    So I'm lookin' at rock videos
    
    Watchin' these bimbos walkin' like hoes
    
    You can have them bimbos
    
    I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
    
    A word to the thick soul sistas
    
    I wanna get with ya
    
    I won't cus or hit ya
    
    But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna fuck
    
    Til the break of dawn
    
    Baby, I got it goin on
    
    A lot of pimps won't like this song
    
    Cuz them punks like to hit it and quit it
    
    But I'd rather stay and play
    
    Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
    
    And I'm down to get the friction on
    
    So ladies (yeah), ladies (yeah)
    
    If you wanna role in my Mercedes (yeah)
    
    Then turn around
    
    Stick it out
    
    Even white boys got to shout
    
    Baby got back
    
    (LA face with the Oakland booty)
    
    Yeah baby
    
    When it comes to females
    
    Cosmo and got nothin to do with my selection
    
    36-24-36
    
    Only if she's 5'3"
    
    So your girlfriend rolls a Honda
    
    Playin' workout tapes by Fonda
    
    But Fonda ain't got a motor in the back of her Honda
    
    My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hon
    
    You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt
    
    Some brothers wanna play that hard role 
    
    and tell you that the butt need to go
    
    So they toss it and leave it
    
    And I pull up quick to retrieve it
    
    So Cosmo says you're fat
    
    Well I ain't down with that
    
    Cuz your waste is small and your curves are kickin'
    
    And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
    
    To the beanpole dames in the magazines
    
    You ain't it Miss Thang
    
    Give me a sista I can't resist her
    
    Red beans and rice didn't miss her
    
    Some knucklehead tried to dis
    
    Cuz his girls were on my list
    
    He had game but he chose to hit 'em
    
    And pulled up quick to get with 'em
    
    So ladies if the butt is round
    
    And you wanna triple X throw down
    
    Dial 1-900-mixalot and kick them nasty thoughts
    
    Baby got back"

            Byers gave one final jumped and walked off stage, followed by Langly and Frohike. Mulder's jaw was on the ground. He was at a loss for words. As was Scully. "Mulder, what was that?"

"I-I….I…" Was all Mulder could manage to stutter. 

They looked at each other as Skinner said, "Well, kids, it looks like the fun's just getting started."

A/n: Someone in a review suggested that I have Byers do "Baby Got Back" and it was so random that I went with it. Funny mental picture, huh? Anyway, keep reviewing and I'll keep writing. Who knows when I'll stop. 

~The Evil Penguin 

(aka Mulder)

Disclaimer: Yo, The X-Files belongs to Chris Carter and "Baby Got Back" belongs to Sir Mix-A-Lot.  


	10. Gunmen Barbie

A/n: It is I, the Evil Penguin! Back once again, with more X-Files karaoke!! You thought I was gone didn't you? WRONG!!  You can't keep a good fan fiction author down. It was all my muses' faults I swear!!

Sirius: Hey don't blame us!

Sora: Yeah, what'd we do?

Evil Penguin: I don't know, I'll think of that later. And I can blame whoever I want!

Reilly: That's not fair!

Tonks: We're the ones that help you write this stuff!

Evil Penguin: Quite you! Now on with the insanity!

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomena

Ch. 10: Gunmen Barbie

            Mulder and Scully stared at the stage wondering what could possibly top that. "Who knew Byers could rap?" Mulder questioned. Scully simply shook her head. She was speechless. Just then the lights went down yet again then went up to revel Langly dressed in a tight pink shirt and tank top. Scully took one look at him and burst out laughing. "I don't care what he sings, that outfit has made my week!" She continued to laugh as the music started and Langley began to sing, accompanied by Byers and Frohike.

            _I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world   
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation   
  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party   
  
I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world   
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation   
  
I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world   
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dollie   
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain   
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky   
  
You can touch, you can play   
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa   
  
I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world   
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation   
  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh   
  
Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please   
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees   
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again   
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party   
  
You can touch, you can play   
You can say I'm always yours   
You can touch, you can play   
You can say I'm always yours   
  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh   
  
I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world   
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation   
  
I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world   
Life in plastic, it's fantastic   
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere   
Imagination, life is your creation   
  
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah   
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh___

            Langly took a bow, throw a kiss to the audience and walked off the stage. Mulder, Scully and Skinner took one look at each and burst out into hysteric laughter. "That," Scully said through her giggles, "is THE funniest thing I have EVER seen!" 

            Little did they know what was coming up…

A/n: Hey, that was rather amusing wasn't it? Yes, it was. Aren't you glad I decided to come back to this? 

Tonks: Don't you mean aren't they glad WE MADE you come back?

Mulder: Suuuure, Tonks

Reilly: It was our idea you know

Mulder: Hey, I'd watch it if I were you Adams, you wouldn't be here if it weren't for the tequila. 

Sirius: Riiiiight…..

Mulder: Anyways, I have some more ideas for this so it'll be updated soon…really soon…

D/C: X-Files isn't mine and neither is the song. 


	11. When You've Got It, Flaunt It!

A/n: Howdy!! Once again, it is I, The Evil Penguin. Thanks to all of you who reviewed the last chapter of this…it's nice to know y'all still like this piece of random insanity. I bet you though I was dead there for awhile, didn't you? Actually, I was abducted by aliens while in Roswell, NM. Haha…Anyway, for now I'm alternating between updating this and Harry Potter and the Alien Abduction, a XF/HP humor crossover I'm writing on my other pen name, Samantha J Mulder….READ IT!!! Alright…I'm done rambling now…

Karaoke: The Ultimate Unexplained Phenomenon

"Karaoke should be an Olympic event. I mean, think about it, who better to deserve honor than people who vouleentarily get up in front of crowds and make fools of themselves?" ~Me and a friend

Ch. 11: When You've Got It, Flaunt It!

            Mulder, Scully and Skinner sat in shock at Langly's performance, thinking it couldn't get any stranger than that. Boy were they ever wrong. The lights went down, a spotlight came on and music started. Out of the black and into the spotlight emerged AD Kersh dressed in a skimpy, frilly, pink Vegas showgirl get-up. He smiled sweetly and began to sing in a thick Swedish accent. 

            _"When you've got it, flaunt it_

_step__ right up and strut your stuff_

_People tell you modesty's a virture _

_But in the theater modesty can hurt you_

_When you've got, flaunt it_

_Show you assets, let them know you're proud_

_Your goodies you must push _

_Stick your chest out, shake your tush_

_When you've got it, shout it out loud!"_

Kersh stopped singing, said, "Now Kersh dance!" and danced-show girl style-until the next verse started.

_"When you've got it, show it_

_Put your hidden treasures on display_

_Violinists love to play an E-string_

_But audiences really love a G-string!_

_When you've got it, shout it_

_Let the whole world hear what your about! _

_Clothes may make the man_

_All a girl needs is a tan_

_When you've got it, let it hang out!"_

Once again, Kersh stopped singing and said, "Remember when Kersh dance?"

Mulder, Scully and Skinner chorused, "Yeah…"

"Kersh dance again!"

And he did until the next verse…

_"When I was just a little girl in __Sweden___

_My thoughtful mother gave me this advice:_

_If nature blesses you from top to bottom_

_Show__ that top to bottom don't think twice!_

Now Kersh belt!

_Don't think twice…!_

_When you've got it, share it_

_Let the public feast upon your charms_

_People say that being prim is proper_

_But ev'ry showgirl knows that prim will stop her!_

_When you've got it, give it_

_Don't be selfish give it all away!_

_Don't be shy be bold 'n' cute_

_Show the boys your birthday suit_

_When you've got it, if you've got it_

_Once you got it…_

_Shout of hooray!!!!"_

Kersh smiled at the audience, took bow and prance off the stage. Mulder, Scully and Skinner were left once again flabbergasted. 

            Scully was speechless. She looked over at Mulder who was staring at the stage in disbelief. Skinner looked at them and muttered, "I…was that…did he…"

            Mulder glanced at Scully, "Talk about unexplained phenomena…"

A/n: Just so y'all know, I was in hysterics the entire time I was writing this chapter. I had wanted to do something crazy with Kersh but I didn't know what until I happen to be listening to my Producers soundtrack….Anyway, don't think I'm done yet! I just realized that I haven't done our deal pal John Dogget yet. So guess who's next? Yup. Agent Dogget himself. Until then..REVIEW!! And go read "Harry Potter and the Alien Abduction" 

~The Evil Penguin

"I control the universe and all who dwell within it!!"

And now, one of my muses will read the disclaimer. *Grabs Reilly by the shirt collar as muses try to escape* Oh no you don't! *Shoves disclaimer into her hands***** Read!

Reilly: The X-Files belongs to Chris Carter and the song, "When You've Got It, Flaunt" is from the Producers and belongs to Mel Brooks. The Evil Penguin owns nothing but a really warped sense of humor and much insanity…._  
  
_


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